Therapy for People Pleasing in Austin & San Antonio, Texas
When it’s hard for you to say “no” and have boundaries.
Others would describe you as kind, a peacemaker, service-oriented. You’d “give the shirt off your back” to help someone.
It’s hard to say “no” because you’re afraid to share what you think or feel. You’re afraid of how others might perceive you. It’s exhausting anticipating others’ needs or studying their moods or patterns so you can somehow be useful to or help them in some way.
You're on automatic when it comes to people pleasing.
You know you need and want better boundaries and you want to say “no” more often in your life, but if you imagine putting them in place or saying “no” to others, you feel a rush of anxiety. You imagine conflict or how others might negatively respond. It’s excruciating and unbearable to imagine. So, sometimes not having any boundaries at all feels easier in the moment. It’s so much easier to just say “yes” or do the thing.
You’ve probably tried to put boundaries in place and then feel like you didn’t do it “right” or that there may have been a “better” way for you to do it. Perfectionism may go hand in hand with people pleasing for you.
There’s an internalized sense of unworthiness that shows up when you try to set boundaries or say “no.” This only leads to the continual cycle of not putting them in place at all. If setting boundaries makes you feel bad, you wonder "why bother at all?"
It’s like you just can’t reach that place of emotional safety to trust that you can put boundaries in place and that it's OK to. Naturally, it’s affecting your home life, relationships, and work life. You’ve sacrificed so much but it feels like you just can’t keep up at this rate.
You learned how to stay safe having to be a people pleaser in childhood.
Since childhood, others have expected from you. They’ve expected ____ (fill in the blank). Without saying it, you knew the expectation.
You didn’t have a choice growing up.
You were taught early on that if you enforced your own boundaries it was “bad” or “wrong.” On cue, you were expected to clean, take care of your siblings or a parent, and take care of yourself.
There was no other way.
Others' needs have always been more important so keeping boundaries is rocky for you.
.When others expected too much from you growing up, you learned others are more important than you, you need to make others happy, and “behave” or not “be a problem.” You’ve learned not to “get in trouble.” You still feel like you’re “in trouble,” even as an adult.”
When you complied as a child, it reinforced the belief that you were making others happy and that it's somehow your job to make everyone else happy. It was your “job” to please others.
It still feels like it’s your job.
You're still operating from this place because it's all you've known.
You may have experienced childhood trauma. Your personal autonomy was taken from you and you were forced into situations that were frightening or filled with potential conflict and upset from an adult. In the face of what the mind and body perceive as a threat, you naturally, want to be more helpful, liked, and willing to bend over backwards to avoid conflict.
But now you're feeling like a doormat.
It’s so important to recognize that in order to cope, you’ve had to go about life in this way. This is how you’ve survived and gotten this far.
Trauma and difficult experiences affect the way you understand and relate to your own boundaries and the urge to people please. There’s no recognition that time has past.
You’ve operated in ways that helped you growing up but don’t always help you so much now.
This isn’t your fault.
Continuing with the same patterns and responses comes at the heavy price of forfeiting your needs, rights, and boundaries.
Signs of Difficulty Setting Boundaries, Saying “No,” and People Pleasing
You probably already know this is something you're struggling with. The following are just some signs of difficulty setting and keeping boundaries, people pleasing, and difficulty saying “no” to others:
It feels overwhelming and exhausting to even consider putting any boundaries into place to begin with.
You feel guilty or anxious when you think about setting boundaries or saying “no” to someone.
When you think about setting boundaries, you worry about how others will perceive you or that they'll judge you.
Sometimes you feel resentful because it's so hard to say “no.”
You try to put boundaries in place but end up not doing so because you imagine a conflict or confrontation.
It often feels like you don't have a voice.
It feels easier to be in people pleasing mode.
You’re afraid loved ones, friends, or others will talk bad about you if you have to say “no.”
Therapy can help you make and keep boundaries, and release the anxiety of feeling the urge to constantly please and have to do for others.
Imagine a life where you can:
Believe you deserve to be respected and valued.
Finally, step away from people pleasing.
Set clear boundaries and communicate your limits and needs without feeling or being confrontational.
Feel safe when setting healthy boundaries.
Learn how to respond when triggered without immediately bowing down or giving into others’ needs.
Disconnect from the spiral of rumination such as, reviewing interactions with others when you set a boundary, or continuously thinking about what you did wrong, what you said, what you could have done differently, or “better,” what the person might be thinking, etc.
I’ll help you move away from the negative opinions you have about yourself that keep you in the cycle of people pleasing and anxiety.
You can finally step away from people pleasing tendencies.
How reasonable or fair is it to expect yourself to always be there for others first and not have needs of your own?
You deserve time for yourself and to put yourself first, even if everything within you tells you otherwise.
You can learn to set healthy boundaries in ways that feel comfortable for you and without having to be confrontational with others, that will have lasting, positive effects on your life at home, work, and in your relationships
How I Can Support You
PTSD and complex trauma therapy will help you rise above challenges and start moving toward your ideal life with less stress and more calm. You'll gain the practical tools you need to lower your anxiety and finally resolve issues from the past.
EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing Therapy) allows you to work through a traumatic memory and decrease shame, guilt, sadness, anxiety, fear, negative thoughts, and low self-esteem attached to it.
My Specialties
Anxiety therapy can help you break free from the never-ending loop of constant stress and anxiety.
Birth trauma therapy can help you experience more joy and less anxiety when you recall that day.
Childhood trauma therapy can help you identify old feelings and old wounds and release them.
Heal from the devastating effects narcissistic abuse and trauma have on your mind, body, and brain.
Make and keep boundaries, and release the anxiety of feeling the urge to constantly please.
Remove the mask of perfectionism without giving up your strong work ethic or high, realistic standards.
WE’RE IN THIS TOGETHER.
you never have to do this alone.
Ready to Get Started?
Schedule a 20-minute consultation to see if we might be a good fit for each other, and so I can find out what your unique needs are for therapy.